Friday, December 3, 2010


This is a very important interview that I did a while ago. The subject matter is frank but about very important issues. Please read with an open mind. Blake4d

Admittedly this interview was not as easy to conduct for several reasons. First of all the interviewee was preoccupied through much of our discussion with things outside of the interview, namely getting high, answering text messages, doing her makeup, and changing clothing several times as we talked. All of this I took with a grain of salt, knowing who she was and not wanting to taint the interview by editing out the reality of her mood, her thoughts, or her honesty. Anti - which is a real nome de plume not one made up for the interview, is a very direct and damaged person by her own admission. She has worked from the high brow end of the adult industry, to the lowest outcall motel room sex trade, and makes no bones about it. She is a modern woman in every sense of the word, and also a shy and vulnerable female in the truest sense. She is modest at times, an extrovert at other times, she is an addictive personality, she is also gifted with high minded spiritual values, she is innocent hearted, and she is also worldly in all of the ways her profession entails. I found her refreshing and definately worthy of an interview - especailly so because she is working in a world that is socially prejudiced, and generally assumes that women such as her self are a book that you only need read the cover to understand. This I think is backward and ignorant, so this article hopes to give a voice to one woman that represents many who have pursued the modern adult sex trade, and are many in the line of what we casually call the oldest profession, I want to introduce to you my friend and more than casual acquaintance. She is a woman, and a modern American whore ( her choice of words not mine ), the lovely and as she calls herself 'The one of a kind female, friend, and felon...Anti L'Amour.'
Blake4d :What should you like to begin by saying Anti ?
Anti : You know what I think about almost everyday of my life, its this quote I memorized when I was probably fourteen, I read a book by Aleister Crowley...can't say I remember much of the book, think it was the Book of the Law, or maybe the Lieber 777 one, the quote I remember by heart, 'Be strong, o man! lust, enjoy all things of sense and rapture: fear not that any god shall deny thee for this.' Now that is some deep thinking. It's talking about developing every part of yourself no matter how dark or how beautiful. That everything that is in your power to be is meant to be developed to its fullest faculty. I like to think of life like that. If I am studying a book on federal law, or exercising on a tread mill, or giving a wild eyed blowjob, or putting a needle in my arm. No matter what I am in the moment, I am gonna be the best student, the best athelete, the best whore, or the best junkie...better than anyone who came before me, or will come after. Yeah its an odd way to think about things, but it has been my outlook for as long as I can remember. Most people will make assumptions about who you are no matter what the reality is. Here is some of my reality, I have been on my own since I was barely thireen, my momma was a methadone zombie tried to trade me for three hundred bucks about the time I ranaway. My daddy was a heroin user but also worked as a detective for the narcotics division of out hometown police department, both undercover and later with the homocide details. He eventually graduated to internal affairs and I guess the the pressure got to him. Heard he shot himself a week before I turned sixteen, couldn't have happened to a nicer asshole as far as I was concerned. But at least he wasn't any of the pricks who molested me before I was an adolescent. Momma left me alone when she would nod out, and whoever was around usually tried something with me, it happened too many times for me to recall the names, or how many times. I do remember the first muthaf**ker who offered me money to keep it on the hush, or the down low as he called it. Paid me, at ten years old twenty-five bucks, after he realized what he had done. Two weeks later 'Jimbo' came back around for another round, that time I stole his wallet and his car keys when he passed out drunk on my bedroom floor. Went on a little shopping spree, took all the cash his ATM card would give me, and lit his car on fire in front of the county Sheriff's office...then ranaway to my Aunt's house for the rest of the weekend. She wasn't really an Aunt, but at ten she was the only friend I really had. Think her name was Claire. Kinda long ago, things get fuzzy back that far....Anyway, point is, my life had wrong turns from the start. So I don't care what most would think of my life now, cause they don't know shit - and mostly nobody cares anyway. So I embrace every part of my life as a source of personal power. I don't see myself in terms of good, bad, moral, or any social norms...I practice the art of Bitchcraft. I am a whore, I am in it for money, I am not a slut, sluts give it away for free. I suppose that will do for an opening statement...End scene one...Hahaha\
Blake4d : How old are you Anti?
Anti : It's not polite to ask a woman her age dontcha know. But since you asked so nicely, I just turned 23 years old baby. I'm an Aries. Born the same day as Adolf Hitler, and now Earth day too. Haha...
Blake4d : When did you first begin selling sex for a living?
Anti : Well, I ran away from my second foster family at fourteen. And I guess I mostly sold drugs and hustled for about a year, I was crashing with my way older pediphile boyfriend during that time. So I didn't really have to earn a lot of money then, he ran a photo studio our of his home. I was already f**king him before I ran away, and luckily he had separated from his wife a couple months berfore that. I did housework, sold dope for him, helped around the photo studio, even developed film and stuff...he did a lot of coke so I usually only had to f**k him once or twice on the weekends, cause on his working days he was too stressed and high to want sex or anything. So things were cool at first...but as the next few months went by, he started shooting up without me knowing about it ( I wasn't even fifteen yet, and didn't really know the signs that he had started using heroin- ya know?). All I knew was suddenly he started wanting sex almost every night of the week, sometimes two or more times a night. Then one night I discovered that he had been secretly video taping us, and that led to me going to see his business partner without him knowing one morning. Reader's Digest version of the next few weeks was pretty screwed up....
Blake4d : How so?
Anti : Well, not only was he taping us f**king but there were several friends of his in on it. And they had already been selling copies, I don't know how many, but enough to make his partner want to hush me up with a big ole bribe when I showed up with all my head full of questions. See, this silent partner dude was now shacked up with mr. pediphile's soon to be ex-wifey. They were running a low budget video porn business, editing, mail order, and my fifteen year old dum ass was starring in their tenth video release - yay, me an underage porno star in 'Booty Before Bedtime'. I ended up really messing my whole life up within days of finding this out. Basically, partner dude offered me two thousand bucks cash to keep quiet, but I gave him a blowjob then blackmailed him or I'd tell his new lady about it - which I did anyway, I ended up sleeping with her too...then pulled a fast one on them both, stole an ounce of coke from their house, another 500 or so with her purse, and the keys to their Trans Am, a nice red one really cool. Then took me and my hijacked ride on a 48 hour straight race to the one place I knew a girl could sell a lot of drugs quick, no questions asked...(she lights a cigarette, pauses to exhale then says)...good ole Las Vegas. Which is where my new life really got started, I arrived there on Halloween night. I remember that because the city was in full swing for the holiday. And I stopped at a shopping mall as I entered town to buy a bikini a hawaiian lei for round my neck. I was a surfter girl for my costume. And I walked aroundall night in that polka dot string bikini and five inch stilletos, shaking my little ass for anyone who would notice.
Blake4d : Did anyone notice?
Anti : Just one guy that mattered. I'll call him Mr. B...he ends up being the first man I would call a client. And he saved me from almost getting arrested by some pigs that night for loitering in a private casino lobby - dresscode whatever. But Mr. B was an undercover, knew what to say, told them he was looking for me and was gonna run me in to save them paperwork etc. He ushers me to his fancy blue Crown Vic narc car, straps me infront with him, and we drive, and talk, and make friends on our way to his place in Carson City. But that's not really important, except that Mr. B helped me get my berrings, and got my feet on the ground, helping me mostly by paying me to be his boom-boom girl for about two weeks, and introducing me to the ladies who worked locally running incall houses...blah blah blah
Blake4d : How did you begin you life in the sex trade, in general ?
Anti : There in Carson City, Mr. B's ex-wife ran a brothel, called 'Club Rubber' or something like that. Had about ten girls, most of them much older than me, except for one or two...and I started working there, and living there eventually full time. I took my name Anti L'amour. Putting on a kinda punk rocker, meets Pocohontas cowgirlish show for clients. I began spliting my earnings 50 50 with the house mama and was quickly earning 1000 or more a night, five or more nights a week. Then started doing two girl shows with another of the house girls (who also became my part time lover as things progressed) - and by the time another year and my sweet sixteen came I had regular clients, a new fake idenitity, a relationship with my girlfriend, and we had saved up enough to start renting a nearby condo away from the job. I also had started drinking, and using my new found friend to the end crystal meth. I was snorting it daily for sure, and was making my way up the ladder of the darkside fast. Planet rocking my pretty ass, thinking I was a the time I was. At least in my own mind. Selfish, strung out, and so dum it hurts to think about now...
Blake4d : Describe how you began working as a prostitute ?
Anti : It wasn't really like I woke up one day and shazam I was a whore. I guess it came down to wanting control over my decisions and my lifestyle as screwed up as it was becoming. Its simple what makes you get down to that level. Think about it this way, a client may want to offer you something in exchange for you body, like you gotta pay rent or get your next fix. So they offer to put your rent on their credit card, or trade you for a sack of dope. But you say to yourself, no hell with give me the money for my body, then I can pay my own rent, buy my own drugs, food, shelter whatever the hell I want. You gotta get that mindset or you will end up just becoming some pinp puppet or worse. Somehow I made that connection early on when I wanted out from under people who were taking their cut of my life. I haven't strayed from that attitude too often yet, sometimes, but you gotta want control of something or you have nothing that is really you. That's all I can say, over the course of the year or two working in Carson city for madames, and sugar daddys who want to control your freedom I grew sick of paying my hard earned everything to miniature vamps in the dysfunctional circus that you find yourself. I guess I was kinda lucky in that way, most girls or guys are not ever gonna make that leap. And you get dragged down into a whole bottom feeding world that is more evil that you wanna know. Trust me. There are a lot worse things than being alone in the streets, much worse things.
Blake4d : How old were you by then?
Anti : We are talking about seventeenish. I was totally independent and working without anyone except maybe the occasional girlfriend partner up before I turned eighteen. For sure, because I got busted for drugs for the first time on the weekend before I turned eighteen. Which was when I split from Nevada altogether, I wasn't gonna do the whole probation, community service thing...or start doing my PO, which is what my girlfriend I got busted with stayed and did. She violated her release terms and still ended up doing 90 days in lockup, even after f**king her official watchdog dozens of times or more. She was stupid, thats all I gotta say about that. I chose to get out of Dodge, and headed to San Francisco. And was there for my eighteenth drunk on Haight street at a Jazz concert in the park. Totally one of the best nights of my life. California dreaming baby.
Blake4d : What is your life like, other than sexually?
Anti : You can't call the lifestyle I live most days a real life. It is just existing. All I do most days is cop, F**k, and cop again. I just barely stay numb enough to function mostly.
Blake4d : What is your sex life like?
Anti : I have no sex life. Yeah occasionally I meet someone and have good sex for a minute. But if I didn't work doing it I would never need to have sex again in my life. Period, I have had enough for one lifetime. F**k f**king!
Blake4d : What social relationships and friendships do you have, close ones or otherwise?
Anti : None that are worth talking about, all my relationships are somehow tied into my lifestyle. Even my friends want something from me, sex, dope, money, or all three. I stay to myself almost all the time. Good thing I like being alone. Only child and foster kid, kinda goes with the territory ya know...
Blake4d : How does drug and alcohol addiction affect your life now?
Anti : I gotta do something, drink, pills, anything just to be able to work most days. I am a poly abuser, and I have done everything to get high at one time or another in my life. My drug of choice has always been alcohol, followed close by speed, and cocaine. I also smoke grass to sleep a lot.
Blake4d : How do you view homosexuality, bisexuality, and hetrosexuality...and which of them defines your sexuality?
Anti : I am bisexual by the nature of what I do for a living, You can't discriminate in my line of work, its bad for business, and bad for making the most of the opportunities that come your way. Personally, I don't like men or women very much. But I probably would choose to have sex with men if you pressed me for an answer. They shut up, do their thing, and I know how to communicate with them better. Most women end up pissing me off, they think they are smart when they are really stupid. Or they are so stupid I don't even want to empathize or see myself as the same species as them. Stupidty is my biggest prejudice, I consider it a virus. Stupidity spreads from one stupid person to another - very few people seem to have any immunity to it. Women are slightly more stupid on average than men, Men just tend to be ignorant and stubborn more often. But that is a bias, I know it is. I have no proof to back that up. It is just my experience. Both the sexes are f**ked up really.
Blake4d : What do you see yourself doing in the future?
Anti :Hopefully something f**king else than this s**t. That is for sure.
Blake4d : What if anything do you wish you could change about your life?
Anti : If I could wave that magic wand, I would wipe the whole thing clean. Maybe one day I will get the guts and actually do it. But short answer for you, Everything. And anything left over too.
Blake4d : What are your views politically?
Anti : I don't vote, mostly cause I am a convicted feolon. BUtI am not affiliated with any parties, and I am not right or left wing, liberal or conservative. Politics is a game to keep sheepish minds blind, and to keep weakened souls weak. I believe in the idea, the meek shall inherit the earth, on of the only Bible verses you will ever hear me utter. The meek have no politics, only needs. And needs are never on sided.
Blake4d : Are you religious?
Anti : I am more of a spiritual person than most would guess. But religious, no not particularly.
Blake4d :Are you creative or talented in ways that you don't show publically?
Anti : Pay me enough and I paint your the Mona Lisa baby. Yeah, I have all kinds of skills on the computer, I have taught myself. I do my own clothes, sewing design, I know photography and am good with a camera video shooting. I am great with makeup, and my work requires me to be one part actress, one part counselor, and one part therapist. You'd be surpised how many clients are actually looking for validation and healing for their guilty hearts, or losses in life. A spouse that died, a relationship that left them stuck and scared, frozen from moving forward, and of course sexual surrogate for many a man' or womans dysfunctional sexual problems. And then there is just the straight stamina and athletic working out regularly that you must do to keep your body able to meet the demands of sexual intercourse with two three sometimes up to ten partners per day. Your body mind and soul are constantly in need of maintenance just to work each day.
Blake4d : What is the worst thing about your life?
Anti : That I can't really see much of a way out, I've tried detoxing a couple times, half way houses, womens shelters, I always end up back to this. I don't know if I really can change yet. I'm a full time addict, with a full time addiciton and bills to support. At least 200 bucks a day just to get up in the morning,. and it never ends. The cycle is your life. I don't recommend it to anyone.
Blake4d : What is the best thing about your life?
Anti : That there is nowhere really to go but up most days, I don't really have a life. I'm not sure if you can, when you f**k for a living. It is no life. I hate myself almost everyday, or I'm depressed, or just too high to know any better, Numb. Mostly you just stay numb, or you'll wanna kill yourself.
Blake4d : You say that you have been arrested and served time?
Anti : At least a dozen times I have been arrested, mostly drugs, twice for solicitation, and once for assault with a deadly weapon. Served 30 days twice in county jails for solicitation charges while in Los Angeles, 90 days for drug charges in San Francisco, and six months in actual State Prison for assaulting a cop in Phoenix Ariizona, that one was all my fucking fault. I really f**ked up.
Blake4d : What is your personal motto?
Anti : Fuck the world, either that or Superior Woman Power. I like to play on the Superior White Pride slogan and turn it on its head. But Fuck the World, which has a two fold meaning for me...either to Hell with what the world thinks, or I will give the world a piece of me, one fuck at a time. See I have the FTW and SWP tattoos on my knuckes. But also Love Yourself...or at least I am trying to make it a sort of motto these days.
( This was true. She showed me that she did have these acronyms tattooed on her hands, on the left was a Pentagram then FTW, on right was SWP and an inverted pentagram both thumbs had Anarchy or Anti symbols tattooed on them in red ink as well. She said she had done them herself to me after the interview. )
Blake4d : Is there anything else you would like to say as we conclude:
Anti : Th-th-that's all folks.
As a footnote to this interview. Anti wants me to make it clear, that in now way does she wish to be contacted by anyone, email, or otherwise - that this is an attempt to purge somethings in her life and to possibly help others like herself get some perspective. It is not an advertisement, solicitation, or an attempt to make connections or new clinets. She has a full plate in her life already, so stay away, and get your kicks some place elsewhere. Anti and I have been friends for a while now, but in now way would I ever betray her trust or confidence. I also will not answer any personal questions concerning our friendship or anything else. If this interview gives another girl out there food for thought, or keeps her from making some of the same errors in life...then some good has come of it. And for those who would cross examine and judge my friend Anti for anything that has been said, then perhaps you should give this interview another read - and cross examine your own life and bias. For nothing is as plain as it seems in any person's life. And no book can be judged by its cover, that it seems to me goes ten fold for judging a human being for the life that they are trying to sort out. Compassion never begins with prejudice, understanding never ends in blame, and progress never begins with self righteousness. Anti is one woman like millions that are living today, and have lived in centuries before now. The oldest profession it is called in literature. Anti call it the same old job offer from the same old man just another day. Or as one of her favorite bands The Who once said, 'Meet the new boss, same as the old boss...'
God Bless you Anti. Money from Home. Love is the will, Love under law. Blake4d

Read more:

No comments:

Post a Comment